Following on from the last article, I wrote the following in December 2022, continuing with the theme of space and rest…

I wrote an article back in March 2021 on space being perhaps the first frontier we need to travel to, rather than the ‘final frontier’ as referenced by Star Trek (you can read the updated version of this here: https://jamiefearn.co.uk/2024/05/04/space-the-final-frontier/). I have often thought of this in the intervening months and the connection I make between space and rest. One definition of space is “a continuous area or expanse which is free, available, or unoccupied.” (from Oxford Languages) which I think captures something of the restfulness that I am often looking for and at this time of year when there can be a lot going on, it feels particularly relevant in my own life.

My relationship to space is complex and I don’t often seem to create it for myself (and I still have not made bread!). In self studying and through various readings and trainings I have been on, I am learning that this can be a trauma response and so part of learning to create space for myself is learning to work on my trauma and find ways to process it and this involves learning about and understanding trauma as well as body-mind practices that support my self-regulation. For more information on the connection between trauma and overwork, here is a good summary: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/own-your-present/202108/is-anxiety-causing-you-overwork

Learning about my neurodivergence has also been part of understanding my relationship to space. There are lots of ways that I feel neurodivergent; managing chronic pain, being dyslexic and dyscalculic, having sensory processing sensitivities and auditory processing differences as well as complex trauma, as mentioned above. I went on a pain management programme this year after becoming really ill having stopped taking care of my bodyself in the way I knew I needed to. What had been a manageable chronic pain problem that I’d experienced for many years, became really unbearable. I have come to look at my nervous system like our roads; with motorways and A roads and country roads, all with traffic. Each sensory input is like more traffic on the road and some things really increase the traffic, such as being in more pain, not getting enough sleep, lots of social activity… When I’m experiencing ‘more traffic’, it means that I find it more difficult to manage my stress, pain, work and pretty much most things. It also means there’s more chance of a ‘crash’ such as a pain flare up and so I need space in a really physiological way that goes beyond rest and having down-time.

One of the biggest lessons I have learnt over the last year is that rest is an active process, it’s not just simply ‘doing nothing’. I understand this in different ways. Stopping and doing nothing can be part of resting - if we keep pushing ourselves to work and ‘do’ when we are tired, then we will burn out - the first law of thermodynamics, that energy cannot be created or destroyed, means that if we keep using energy and not replacing it somehow, it will run out - we don’t have an infinite supply. Spoon theory explains really well how important energy management is and you can read about this here:  https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

So stopping expending energy is only the start of rest. I think that when we do this, our bodyself can start to regenerate through its natural processes, and so when I stop doing, I know that my inactivity doesn’t mean that nothing is happening - I am not consciously working or expending energy but things are happening inside me. A great example of this is during sleep, our most obvious way to rest. During sleep, there are different ways our brain and nervous system process things using different brain states and this is essential for learning and memory and is also essential to our physical health.

So rest is both a stopping and an active process, in the sense of needing to stop so we don’t burn out, and when we do stop, things are happening inside of us that are essential to our health. The other aspect of rest for me, is also about an active process. In managing chronic pain, often lack of movement can be a cause of pain. Gone are the days that rest was advised for musculoskeletal pain, and there’s so much research about the importance of exercise and movement - this is how we nourish our joints!

In thinking about space in these ways, I’ve also been thinking about the different areas of life this has an impact on and share a little about each below.

My different types of space:

Sensory processing - things that help my senses feel less overloaded. I tend to need quiet and/or outdoor time. You will rarely find me listening to music or with the TV or radio on in the background. Sometimes resting my senses means engaging them - like being in nature and filling my senses with the beauty and sounds of that can be really relaxing. Sometimes it means turning down the noise on my senses - cutting down screen time. A good set of ear plugs and noise cancelling headphones have been vital!

Rest - time that is spent doing nothing - not expending energy for work or doing things for others and this can be mental and emotional (physical rest is covered separately). So for this, watching a film, doing a jigsaw or playing a computer or board game can create mental and emotional space because I don’t need to engage with my thoughts or emotions.

Expressive - space to express what is happening inside - when things are busy inside me and energy is being used internally holding thoughts and images or emotions, perhaps going back over conversations or thinking through something that has happened, it can really help to let some of this out. Different ways I might do this are through writing, talking, creating something external that represents something internal, like a collage, listening to music or singing something that fits with how I’m feeling.

Physical rest - I consider this separately because this for me means getting enough sleep and also being active enough which includes stretching, walking and building strength into my muscles so that the places where I experience pain are being physically supported through my musculoskeletal system.

Solitude and social rest - time away from others - this is particularly important as an introvert where time with others doesn’t always feel regenerative for me. Introversion is different to shyness or being antisocial, I do love being with others and I’m definitely not shy.

Environment - where I am can have a huge impact on how rested and spacious I feel - if I’m not in my own space or if I’m sharing my space with someone I don’t know as well, if my space is untidy or disorganised, if I’m travelling a lot or there’s less daylight (as there is at this time of year) or less time outdoors, it can really use up a lot of energy. How I make sense of this, is that familiarity allows our nervous systems to settle - we can be more habitual, which uses less resources i.e. less traffic in the nervous system.

Power - this feels such a complex subject to me, and I’m not sure I fully understand all the ways that this is important in relation to rest and space. The two examples coming to mind are around role power and cultural power. As a therapist and a teacher, these roles come with power and as such it is important to be aware of how this might impact others. Alongside this, it is a responsibility and so having spaces where I get to not be the responsible one is really important- and sometimes challenging! I think that there is a tension created in both having more power and having less power and so it feels important to be aware of power and privilege and how this might impact yours and others’ energies. i.e. if I don’t get to spend time with others who are neurodivergent or who at least understand how much energy that takes then it can be really draining.

In conclusion, space and rest feel like deeply interconnected aspects of experience- which is perhaps a very personal thing to me and also very essential in relation to looking after myself. I know I hold some self-judgment around rest and stopping and have to work at not seeing this as lazy. I wonder if you make the same connection in relation to space and rest and if you find ways to create spaces in the ways I share about above?